The Big Apple and a Wrongfully Accused.

The one and only apple that came to fruition, or should that be fruitition, is now ripe. The plum got eaten by something but we still have the apple. A real beauty you will surely agree. Despite the scabby appearance, I can assure you that parts of it were excellent. And while on the subject of gardens...

Regular readers will know that we have spent most of our waking hours protecting our fish from reigers (or herons as we say in your country). Especially after finding a poor dead fish in the garden, obviously dropped by a reiger as he flew away, startled by my automated disco-lamp. Last saturday I chanced to see 'The Great Escape' on the TV, and as I watched all the tunnelling and plotting to escape from the german concentration camp, a revelation came to me. I had been wrongly blaming the herons for taking my fish, but the truth was now plain to see. The fish were themselves escaping! I felt betrayed and disappointed. I had built them a fish paradise with waterfalls and underwater lights for an exciting night life, oxygen plants and a regular, varied diet. But its not good enough for them, oh no, and they are off to look for something better. The grass is greener on the other side of the hill, they thought. If it had not been for the one that died in the attempt, exhausted and abandoned by his fellow traitors, I would never have unearthed their ingratitude. But the 'Great Escape' also gave me the solution. Admire my new double-stranded electric fence in the photo. Let them try to jump over that, the ungrateful bastards! 50000 volts up the ventral fin will soon change their minds!

I have just read back the above, after the fourth Guiness, and conclude that I may need help.